


the time for sleep is now

by ddaydream



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22816744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddaydream/pseuds/ddaydream
Summary: Kevin wishes there was a way to show Daniel just how much he loves him.
Relationships: Daniel Condren/Kevin O'Reilly
Comments: 17
Kudos: 99





	the time for sleep is now

**Author's Note:**

> all cmrters know is ‘i will follow you into the dark’, be gay, and lie
> 
> as usual, do not show this to kev, dan, or anyone associated with them. 

12:03 AM

Kevin wishes there was a way to show Daniel just how much he loves him.

Daniel seems to find it easy. He’s comfortable with affection, much more so than Kevin is. He sends ‘I love you’ texts without a second thought, regularly drops paragraphs about how special Kevin is to him, writes him love letters so soft and heartfelt that they rival those written by pining suitors from the 19th century. Sometimes they come with dried flowers, delicately tied with a slender ribbon.

Kevin’s like a brick wall compared to him. He only ever sends his love in response, never initiates. A ‘love you too’ text. A letter back, typed instead of written because his shoulder is bad. It doesn’t feel like enough. Daniel’s never mentioned it, but Kevin knows he must notice. He’s not sure why he finds it so hard to do something for him. It’s not fear, exactly, but sending an “I love you” first makes his hands tremble and his heart race. 

He’s just not used to it, he supposes.

Daniel’s just gone to bed, a goodnight text with a dozen heart emojis still on Kevin’s notifications screen. Kevin’s sitting at his desk chair, staring at it with the intensity of a detective unpicking the greatest mystery of their life. Tonight, the fact that Kevin knows he can’t do Daniel’s love justice hurts more than ever.

12:47 AM

He’s had this idea for a while, but he’s never been able to actually do it. He often sits down at his piano, practices the song over and over until he can play it from memory and sing it in his sleep, but then as soon as he sets up his mic to record it he can’t bring himself to open his mouth. 

The song reminds him of Daniel so much that it hurts - or, rather, it reminds him of how he feels about Daniel. The feeling of  _ I’ll always be behind you, supporting you no matter what happens  _ resonates with him so deeply. Maybe it’s because he knows Daniel will always be flying ahead of him, no matter where life takes them. Daniel, who’s balancing university and a streaming career and even writing a book, with his dropout boyfriend that works retail. Daniel, who loves openly and lets himself be vulnerable and has more friends than he knows what to do with, and Kevin, who’s, well, Kevin. Always one step behind, ready to follow Daniel wherever he goes, good for moral support and maybe not all that much else, but so damn in love with him that he just doesn’t care.

So he wants to sing it for Daniel. It’s not the same as writing a song for Daniel, not quite as good, but he doesn’t know if he could ever do that, and he wants to do something to give  _ this _ song to him. Sending it in a playlist doesn’t carry enough weight. 

He’s sitting at his piano, the song on his lips for the hundredth time, his hands on the keys. His shitty old mic from when he used to do YouTube is connected to his computer, its wire stretched taut because his piano is set up so far away from his desk. 

He spends ten minutes just building up the courage to start. Normally, it’s easy to do this. He loves playing the piano and singing along. It comes to him so naturally that he never has to think twice about it. Now, though, there’s pressure to get it right. It needs to sound good, yes, but it also needs to sound like he means it, and God knows he means it.

12:58 AM

Kevin finally begins to play. 

He was sure he’d have to start over a few times, but he doesn’t. The song spills from him like he was born to play it. He doesn’t make any mistakes, his voice doesn’t crack, his hands only shake a little bit. 

He lets himself get carried away, closing his eyes and leaning in. He knows he probably looks stupid, but he can’t bring himself to care. If it’s what it takes for it to sound like he means it, then so be it. It’s not like it’s a video recording.

“I love you, Dan,” he says after the last notes settle into silence. “I’m sorry I’m terrible at saying it.”

1:02 AM

The nerves only hit him as soon as he’s done. His stomach tightens like he’s going to throw up. But it’s done, he’s done it, the audio is stored safely in his computer for him to edit and send to Daniel.

He’s not sure whether he’s going to keep the last part. He thinks it might be too intense. He can pass off the song cover as something he’s wanted to try for a while, say that he’s only showing Daniel because he’s proud of it, but he’s not sure he can bring himself to fake that much distance from it. It’s for him, god damn it. It has to be for him.

He sits down at his computer and finds the file. It’s long, but the first eleven minutes are of complete silence save for the occasional cough. He cuts that out quickly, leaving him with three minutes of sound to sort through. 

Should he listen to it first, or should he just send it as it is?

He’s not sure he can bear to listen to it. He’s so close to being able to send this to Daniel, and if the cringe factor of his own voice is the thing that makes him give up then he’ll never forgive himself. He decides he needs to force himself to hear the first ten seconds at least.

_ Love of mine, someday you will - _

He hits pause almost as soon as he hits play. The quality is fine and his voice isn’t too quiet. That’s all he needs to hear. He exports the file and emails it to himself so that he can text it to Daniel.

He hovers over the send button for a minute once the file is attached. He’s a little scared that Daniel will find it cringey. He’s more scared that Daniel won’t understand just how much this means to him. 

He has to remind himself that this is _ Daniel _ , the hopeless romantic who loves everything about Kevin for some unknown reason, the boy who’s so sweet and genuine and appreciative, the dumbass who cries whenever he sees Kevin in real life and again whenever they have to part. There’s nothing to worry about.

Or, if there is, then it’s Future Kevin’s problem. 

1:34 AM

**kevin: ** fordaniel.mp4

**kevin: ** i love you, dan. 


End file.
